Searching for pieces after the fall
by nighttimerunner
Summary: "She stayed for a while, watching him sleep, letting her worries be washed away by the steady breaths of her innocent son." Set 6 years after 'Forever and Always'.


**A/N: This story is set six years after the events of 'Forever and Always'. You might want to read that first, otherwise some things won't make much sense.**

**The title is from 'Empty Handed' by Lea Michele. The song has nothing to do with this story, but I like that line.**

**Special thanks to The-KLF, who offered to beta this story and remained polite when correcting my facepalm-worthy mistakes. She's an amazing writer and you should go check out her stories.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own them (apart from a couple of original characters). I also borrowed one line from 'Veritas'. **

* * *

**Searching for pieces after the fall**

Leaning on the window frame, Kate closed her eyes as she took in the steady thrum of the city drifting up to the apartment. She hadn't been able to fall asleep and had even found it hard to concentrate on reading so she had made her way to the office - her favorite room. Kate always felt closer to Rick in here, mostly because it was the only room at the loft that they hadn't changed at all. Granted, her books were now mixed with his on the shelves and her computer was on the desk, but the furniture was still the same and all the knick-knacks he had collected over the years still decorated every surface. Even his laptop was sat, unused, on a small table near the window.

Sometimes, when she was reading on the couch, she closed her eyes for a moment and could almost hear the steady clack of the keys as he sat writing with his computer on his lap and feet on the desk.

Kate used to teasingly call this room as "the place where the magic happens". She had originally been referring to the writing but during her suspension, he had shown her exactly what kind of magic he was capable of in that room - several times. Even now, over six years after their last time together, Kate couldn't help but blush at the memory of one of their more lascivious escapades.

* * *

They had closed a case on a Friday afternoon for once and after the detectives had completed the paperwork - Castle once again mysteriously disappearing right before the task - the team had decided to head down to The Old Haunt for celebratory drinks. Castle and Beckett hadn't had all that much to drink, just enough to create the delicious buzz and lower inhibitions - not that those were very high normally.

It had started with small inappropriate touches at the bar, a quick caress of his hand across her butt as they were waiting for their drinks, the soft press of her breasts against his arm as she reached for a napkin, heated gazes across the pool table. By the time their group had started heading home, the air between Castle and Beckett was sizzling with sexual tension.

The kissing had begun in the cab and had escalated into a full-blown make-out session by the time the elevator doors opened on his floor. It had taken him three tries to get the door open and she would have laughed if she hadn't been so busy opening the buttons on his shirt and licking random patterns on the newly exposed skin. When he had finally managed to open the door, and get them away from the prying eyes of his neighbors, all bets were off.

"Bedroom." Was all she had managed to moan against his lips, as he began undoing the buttons on her shirt. All of their clothes had been discarded on the floor of the living room, creating a salacious trail to his office.

They hadn't made it to the bedroom until much, much later.

* * *

Opening her eyes, Kate chuckled softly as she remembered the frenzy they had been in that night. They hadn't been as careful as usual and, although she would never tell it to anyone, she's quite certain their son - Noah - had been created that night.

Noah Alexander Castle, a name they had come up with by accident when they had been talking about their future after taking care of little Benny. Castle had naturally suggested different variations of his own name, like Richard Junior Castle - RJ for short - but Kate had quickly shot those ideas down. When Kate had mentioned that she had always been fond of the name 'Noah', Castle had been ecstatic. After all, Noah Webster - the author of the first American Dictionary of the English language - would only be so lucky to have a namesake as famous as the son of The Great Richard Castle.

He had sat up straight in bed, puffing his chest out, looking extremely pleased with himself. All that baby talk had affected her more than she liked to admit, also it hadn't helped that he was utterly adorable, sitting there stark naked with his hair tousled and looking so damn proud of himself, so she had tackled him back down and attacked his lips with her own. They hadn't gotten around to girls' names, so in a way it had been a good thing their baby turned out to be a boy.

* * *

Noah was the perfect mix of his parents with his dark brown hair, hazel eyes and long limbs. He had been fortunate enough to inherit Kate's gracefulness and Martha already had visions of him becoming a world-famous dancer. At the age of six, though, the future Fred Astaire was more interested in making up stories and getting himself in trouble with his overactive imagination.

Kate had tried to pin it on Castle first, saying that the boy got his exuberance from his father. Everyone had agreed, until one night at dinner Jim had laughingly pointed out that she was exactly the same as a child, if not worse. And after some light prodding from Alexis and Martha – Kate still thinks he had given in too easily – Jim had launched into storytelling mode, making the redheads laugh with wild tales of Kate's childhood. Kate had sat listening, occasionally rolling her eyes and throwing in corrections when her dad had exaggerated too much, pretending to pout when, in reality, she had been happy to watch the interaction.

* * *

Pushing back from the window, Kate let her eyes glide over all the photos scattered around the office and smiled as she thought about how close their small family had become over the years, and how much of it was because of the semi-regular dinners they had at the loft. And even though they were a hassle for her, what with cooking for several people while trying to keep Martha out of the kitchen, she wouldn't have had it any other way. Besides, she often got assistance from the kids - Alexis was a great help with the cooking, being taught well by her father, and Noah was very good at keeping his grandmother out of the way.

It had been the moments spent in the spacious kitchen that really made Kate feel at home at the loft. Sure, she had spent majority of her time here after she came back from DC, but it was always Castle's place. And, to her, it had been only logical that she would move back to her own apartment after the funeral.

However, the issue of living arrangements had been solved quickly when Kate had promised Martha she'd have her things moved out of the loft by the end of the month. Martha had nipped that ridiculous idea in the bud, which had resulted in Kate giving up her apartment and moving the rest of her belongings to the loft. In hindsight, she knew it was one her smartest decisions even though things had been a little rough in the beginning.

* * *

The week after Rick's… Well, after everything, there were funeral arrangements to be taken care of, so Kate got through the days by staying busy. Martha made sure she ate enough but she wasn't able to get the younger woman to sleep. Kate poured over the preparations over and over again, checking the flower and catering orders, going over every little detail until she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore and fell into a dreamless sleep on the couch. She fell back into her old coping mechanism, building a wall around her grief and functioning as if on autopilot. Her main goal was to get through the funeral. She figured that would be the most difficult part of the whole ordeal.

When they returned home after the service, Kate realized that the funeral had been nothing compared to facing their bedroom alone. She stalled as long as she could, putting the leftovers away and watching some mindless TV. But she couldn't put it off forever. She briefly considered spending yet another night on the couch but her back protested the mere thought. So, heaving a sigh, she got up and headed for the bedroom, pulled out a t-shirt and shorts from the dresser and took them with her to the bathroom. She closed the door firmly behind her so she wouldn't have to face the empty bedroom just yet, as she got ready for bed.

When she was done, Kate made sure to switch off all the lights before she stepped into the bedroom and dropped her dress on the hamper to take to dry-cleaners, although she suspected she wouldn't be wearing it ever again. She pulled down the covers and slipped in on her side, keeping her back to the center of the bed. But it was no use. The moment she settled down, she was surrounded by his unique scent and it bulldozed through her carefully built walls. She was left gasping for breath as the pain hit her.

When her mom died, Kate had felt empty, like she had this huge, gaping hole inside. But this time it wasn't like that. This time, was something so much worse. The pain was excruciating and Kate curled herself into a ball around his pillow, burying her face into it to muffle her cries so as not to wake Martha and Alexis.

Eventually she fell into a restless sleep, filled with dreams of him - of what their life could have been.

The next morning Kate woke up from her slumber feeling slightly disoriented. Her dreams had felt so real and she couldn't shake the creeping feeling of unease. She rolled over, intending to snuggle up to Castle's warm body - everything always felt better when she was wrapped in his strong arms - but was surprised to be met with only his pillow. She reached out an arm and felt the sheets and found them cool to the touch. _Huh, that's strange._ She frowned briefly and got up to go look for him in his office.

That's when she registered her stinging eyes and raspy throat - and it all hit her again. The worrying, the phone call, the hospital, the wedding, the fune-… Kate fell to her knees by the bed and closed her eyes as the pain forced out a fresh wave of tears. However, she opened them again quickly to cease the onslaught of images that played behind her eyelids. But there was no escaping the memories of him laying in that hospital bed, looking pale but smiling, trying to be brave for her.

Kate thought she heard someone let out an agonized cry but didn't realize it had come out of her own mouth until Martha rushed in the bedroom and, finding the younger woman crumbled on the floor, enveloped her in a tight embrace. They sat like that, Martha soothing the broken detective through her own grief, until eventually their tears run out. When Kate calmed down, Martha guided her back to the bed and helped her to slip back under the covers. With a deep sigh, full of longing, Kate turned on her side, curled herself around Rick's pillow and stared into nothingness with empty eyes.

That sigh was the last sound they heard from her for five days.

Kate spent most of the days in bed, eyes closed, but not really sleeping, or in the office, sitting on the couch with his book in her hands, but not really reading. She came to the kitchen for dinner, but didn't really eat, just moved the food around her plate with her fork.

And she didn't say a word.

She had visitors, but nothing they did had any effect on Kate. Lanie tried pleading with her - no reaction. Javi tried the same direct approach that had helped after the sniper case - nothing. Jim came to see her every day, but he was at a loss for words - his mind filled with shameful memories of his own behaviour 15 years prior - so he didn't say much, but let her know he was there. Sometimes he wondered if she even noticed his presence.

Thinking back on that time, Kate knew she must have seemed selfish, drawn in on herself like that, not reacting to anything or anyone. She _had known_ her friends, her family, were there, she _had heard_ them, but it had been as if they were separated by a glass wall and speaking a foreign language. All she kept seeing was Rick, giving her coffee, cooking dinner, making love to her, laying on that damn hospital bed, smiling weakly at her. And there had been the pain - the all consuming ache that had rendered her speechless and mostly immobile - and it had served as the impermeable wall between her and the rest of the world.

Finally, on the fifth day, Kevin got through to her when he talked about the day he had been trapped in the burning building with Javi.

"You know what my last thought was, before I passed out?" Kevin asked and then continued without waiting for an answer, "I prayed that, no matter what happened to me, Jenny and our baby would be okay - even if I couldn't be there for them, to see her grow up."

When there was no reaction from Kate, Kevin got up from the chair was sitting on and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her still form. "Of course, I can't be completely certain, but I'm pretty sure Castle had a similar thought that night in the hospital." Still nothing from her, so he laid his last card on the table, wishing that it would be the push she needed to get out of her stupor.

"Kate, listen to me. That child growing inside you, is a part of Castle. You already lost him, do you really want to lose his child too? Because, with the way you're going right now, it's a pretty realistic scenario."

Kevin cringed after he finished speaking. It was harsh, he was aware of that, but the soft pleading Lanie and Martha had been doing, had had no impact on Kate, so he felt he had to try. Anything to make her start taking care of herself and that precious life she was carrying.

Slowly Kate turned to face him, and Kevin wanted to avert his gaze, the sheer despair in her eyes almost too much to handle - the eyes that he was used to seeing so vibrant, so full of life.

"Thank you," was all she said, her voice scratchy from being unused for so long, and then she squeezed his hand, closed her eyes and turned back around. Feeling encouraged by the fact that she had spoken for the first time in days, Kevin waited a bit longer, but when Kate offered nothing else, he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and left the room.

Martha was sitting on the couch, leafing through a magazine, when he walked into the living room. Afraid that he had done more damage than good, Kevin relayed the events to Castle's mother, asking her to keep a careful eye on Kate the next day. After Martha promised to call him if there was any change, Kevin left to go home to his own family.

Locking the door behind him, Martha switched off the remaining lights as she thought about what Detective Ryan had told her. Maybe they had been too gentle with the detective. Maybe what she needed, was a firm push to realize what kind of repercussions her behaviour might have. Quite frankly, this had been going on for too long, and she would do almost anything to prevent the younger woman losing that baby - her grandchild. So, as she slowly ascended the stairs, Martha decided to call Dr. Burke first thing in the morning to see if he would make a house call.

* * *

But Martha was in for a surprise the next morning, and she came to an abrupt stop at the bottom of the stairs, when she noticed Kate sitting on one of the barstools, nibbling on a piece of toast. She was wearing one of Rick's old t-shirts - Martha thought she could recognize it as the same she favoured after her apartment blew up - and some pajama pants, with her hair pulled up on a messy bun at the nape of her neck. The detective looked so young, so fragile, and Martha couldn't help but think about how, over forty-five years ago, she herself had been in a similar situation, with a child and alone. But no, Katherine was not alone, Martha reminded herself firmly. She had a family, people who loved her and were there for her, people who wanted to help her get through this. With that thought in mind, Martha started moving towards the kitchen again.

"Good morning, Katherine," Martha greeted softly as she made her way to the counter. "Oh, I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to scare you," she continued when Kate had dropped her toast as she was startled out of her musings.

"It's okay, I was just lost in thought and didn't hear you come down," Kate said quietly.

"And good morning." she continued, one corner of her mouth lifting in a half-smile.

Martha took that as an extremely good sign. But the fact that Katherine was up and eating - well, kind of eating - was enough to throw the actress out of her game and she was at a loss as to what to do - approach the subject of therapy right away or ease it into the conversation later? Martha regarded the brunette and, noticing the hunched set of her shoulders, decided that the softer approach might have better results.

"You're up rather early," Martha said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I woke up early, feeling nauseous. I thought I'd try and see if some food would calm my stomach."

"Ah, morning sickness. It can be a pain. But don't worry dear, it will pass," Martha comforted the pale woman, giving her hand a pat.

Kate answered with another small smile as silence descended between them. Martha began thinking about the best way to approach the subject of therapy, when Kate surprised her again.

"I called Dr. Burke."

"Oh?" Thanks to her years in acting, Martha was able to school her features, but she couldn't quite keep the surprise out of her voice. But Kate either didn't notice or decided to ignore it.

"Yeah. I have an appointment this afternoon."

Kate fell silent once more after that, but Martha could see from the woman's expression that there was more she wanted to say. So, instead of pushing her, Martha let the detective gather her thoughts in peace. After a couple of minutes had passed, Kate lifted her hand, moved an errant curl behind her left ear and began talking.

"Ryan said something to me last night. He reminded me that this baby growing inside me is the last part of Castle that I ha-" The end of her sentence was lost in a sob, but when the Martha reached out to draw her in for a hug, Kate stopped her with a raised hand. Kate needed to say this and she was certain she would break down completely if she let the older woman comfort her. So she took a deep breath, wiped the few tears from her cheeks and continued.

"Ryan made me realize that I can't lose that. This child is something that Rick and I created, together, and he deserves the world. And-" Kate paused as she dropped her hand and rubbed it tenderly across her still flat stomach. "And I already love him, so I'm going to do everything I can to be what he deserves." When Kate finished, there was a note of determination in her voice and a glimmer of light in her eyes, and it made tears of joy well up in Martha's eyes as she finally drew the younger woman into her arms.

"Oh Katherine, darling! A mother's love is the most important gift you can give to a child, and you already have that, so there's no need to worry. You will get through this. It will be hard as hell, but just remember that you are not alone in this. We're here for you and when that baby comes, I'm certain that you will have people lining at the door for a chance to babysit." Martha could see that Kate felt reassured by her words so she decided to lighten up the mood some more.

"And Katherine, I couldn't help but notice… 'he'?" Martha asked with a raised eyebrow and was delighted to see the light blush that rose on the detective's cheeks as she fumbled for an answer.

"Oh! I didn't... I mean, I'm not… It just came out. I didn't even think about it." Kate seemed startled by the revelation, herself, so Martha patted her hand soothingly as she moved around the counter to the kitchen.

"No need to be so alarmed, dear. Mothers tend to know these things," the former actress said with a conspiratorial wink and was relieved to notice that it seemed to relax the detective, so she continued her way to the sink.

"Now, would you like some herbal tea? That was the only thing that would help when I was pregnant with Richard."

There was a hint of sadness in Martha's tone and Kate realized with a start how selfish she had been these past few days. She had behaved as though she was the only one feeling the loss, while Martha had had to bury her only child - something a parent should never have to do. She felt an immense amount of gratitude towards the older woman, who had taken care of her amidst her own grief.

"Thank you." The way Kate said the two simple words made Martha turn around to face her. And as they regarded one another, a look of understanding passed between them. They had both lost something invaluable, but instead of letting it separate them, they could lean on each other for support.

"You're most welcome, darling. I remember how awful that morning-sickness feels, so I'm happy to help in any way I can." Martha's words and tone were light, although they both knew that Kate wasn't referring to just the herbal tea. But there was no need to dwell on the misery of the past week, so, with a barely perceptible nod, Martha accepted the 'thank you' and the apology it held, as she turned back to her task of preparing the tea.

* * *

Her relationship with Martha had shifted after that morning and Kate was extremely grateful for everything the older woman had done for her. She had been nervous about the pregnancy and the impending motherhood, but Martha, despite her usual flair for drama, had been surprisingly calm about every bout of insecurity and worry. And, even though there were times when Kate wished she could just pick up the phone and call her mom, Martha had proved out to be an excellent surrogate mother, with her sound advice.

The close relationship Kate now shared with Alexis, had taken a little more time to establish. Things had been almost awkward at first with both women grieving their loss on their own and neither knowing how to reach out to the other. It all had changed one evening when Kate came home after an exhausting day at the precinct.

Her friends had suggested that she should start her maternity leave straight away and return to work after her baby was born, if she felt like it. But Kate had never been good at staying idle and she knew that working would provide the perfect distraction for her and the familiar routines would help her to move forward - to keep living. Gates hadn't exactly been happy about Kate's decision, but conceded on the condition that the detective stayed on desk duty the entire time until her maternity leave. Kate had no problem with that request, knowing that working out on the field would constantly put her and her baby in danger. So, after consulting Dr. Burke on the matter, she returned to the precinct.

But there were days when, after spending the day on the phone chasing down leads, Kate wished she had taken her friends' advice and started the maternity leave early. Being six months pregnant, her feet felt like they had doubled in size and their son had been very active that day, so she had been dreaming of a long, warm bath for the better part of the afternoon. Kate was so focused on reaching her target - the king-size tub in the master bathroom - that she almost missed the person in the office.

Alexis was sleeping, curled up in the corner of the couch, holding one of Castle's books tightly to her chest. Kate approached the couch slowly and sat down carefully. She ran a gentle hand through the red tresses and only then noticed the dried tear tracks on the girl's cheeks. Alexis opened her eyes and, realizing where she was, promptly tried to get up, all the while murmuring apologies. She seemed embarrassed about how the detective had found her. Kate was worried about the girl, so she gently pulled Alexis to sit beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Alexis. What's wrong?"

Alexis was hesitant to talk at first and kept her gaze fixed on her hands, but Kate waited patiently. Alexis wasn't pulling away, instead laying her head against the detective's shoulder, so she figured that the younger woman just needed some time to gather her thoughts. When the redhead began talking, it was so quietly that she had to strain to hear.

"My dad loved parties," Alexis started, and Kate let out a soft chuckle when she thought how true that simple statement was. Because of his out-going persona, Castle had been the life of every party he attended, whether he had wanted to or not. But that didn't explain why Alexis had been here, in his study, crying.

"Sweetie, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Kate prodded gently, not even noticing the endearment slipping in the sentence.

"I know." Alexis paused again shortly before continuing, "I was invited to a party this weekend, but I'm not sure if I want to go." It was said in an almost offhand way, but Kate could hear the undercurrent of something deeper in the girl's voice.

"Alexis, are you not going because you don't want to, or because you feel guilty about having fun?" she asked gently. The only answer she got from the girl was a non-committal half shrug.

"Hey, look at me," Kate said and pulled away slightly making the younger woman lift her eyes to meet hers.

"Trust me, I know how you feel, but there's no reason to feel guilty." She got another shrug so she continued.

"Your father was all about having fun. I mean, why else would a grown man own three sets of laser-tag gear, a high-tech karaoke machine and a full sundae buffet?" she tried lightening the mood and was rewarded with a small smile. "But sweetie, as clichéd as it sounds, there was nothing your father wanted more than for you to be happy."

"I know." Alexis nodded, though she still seemed hesitant.

"You don't have to go, if you don't feel up to it, but don't skip the party because you're feeling guilty. There is absolutely no reason to. I know you miss your dad and it still hurts. God, I know how much it hurts, but you can't let the grief swallow you. You can't stop living your life. That's the last thing he would want you to do."

Alexis was quiet for a moment as she contemplated Kate's words. A few tears escaped her eyes and she brushed them away with the sleeve of her shirt.

"I just miss him so much." Her voice broke into a sob at the end of the sentence and Kate felt her own eyes fill with tears as she drew Alexis in her arms and let the girl cry against her shoulder. After a moment, when Alexis settled down, Kate reached out, grabbed a box of tissues from the end table and offered them to the girl.

"Look, why don't you go with your friends and see how it feels. You can always leave, if it's too much. But you've been cooped up in here, only going to classes, and this would be the perfect opportunity to get out for a bit."

"Okay. I guess I could do that." The answer was still tentative, but Kate could see some of the old spark in the blue eyes and she silently prayed that she hadn't pushed for too much, too soon.

* * *

In the end, it all had turned out quite well. Alexis had gone to the party where she had met Brian - a fellow student at the Columbia University. He had approached her when he had noticed her inspecting the bookcase, and they found out they had similar taste in literature. They had spent the night talking and when she was leaving, he had asked if he could call her and invite her for a coffee sometime. When she had hesitated, he had assured that they could meet as friends, if that was what she wanted, but he would really like to spend more time with her. She had agreed and gave him her number.

He had called the very next day and they had gone out. The time they spent together increased as weeks turned into months, but every time Kate, Lanie or Martha had teased her about it, Alexis insisted that they were just good friends.

Brian had been introduced to the family over dinner couple of months into their friendship and had almost immediately won them over. He had been shy at first but so would anyone who had to sit through Ryan and Esposito's interrogation. Kate had finally felt sorry for him and put a stop to the show, when the guys had begun describing their guns to the young man, whose face was quickly losing all color. Alexis had rolled her eyes at the guys' antics but Kate was quite sure that she was secretly touched by how the detectives looked out for her when her dad couldn't. After Kate had assured him that the guys weren't being serious, Brian had begun to relax and joked along with the family.

"That young man is tall, dark, handsome and has a marvelous sense of humor. If I was ten years younger, I would try snatch him up for myself," Martha had announced after the others had left and it was just the two of them clearing the table.

Kate had stifled a laugh and decided not to mention how ten years would hardly make the age difference appropriate, choosing just to hum in agreement. In her opinion, Brian seemed like a great guy and, while Martha was right about his… assets, to Kate, his best quality was that he was absolutely smitten with Alexis. He looked at her like she was the most amazing creature on earth, and it reminded Kate of how Rick used to look at her. The only one who seemed oblivious of his attraction, was Alexis. But Kate had a feeling that she wouldn't stay that way for long.

So, when Alexis had appeared to the loft one night, with a smile and a soft blush covering her cheeks, Kate hadn't been all that surprised to hear what had happened. Alexis had told how, after their study session at the library, Brian had stopped her by the entrance, looked into her eyes and asked her out on a date - a real date. Taken by surprise, she had been speechless and only managed to smile and nod in affirmation. Then he had given her what she described as the sweetest kiss she had ever received, told her that he'd call her later and then walked away smiling, leaving her standing there in a daze.

* * *

And today they had gotten married. The wedding had been held at The Loeb Boathouse in Central Park, where the young couple had said their vows in front of 80 of their closest friends and family. The venue was perfect for them, nothing over the top but still refined and the large windows offered a breathtaking backdrop of red, yellow and orange of the autumn foliage. It was as if nature was giving its all on that perfect day. Everything had gone off without a hitch, both with the preparations and the actual wedding.

Alexis had found the perfect dress on her first shopping trip with Kate. Their plan had been just to look around, see what kind of options she had, but when Alexis had come out of the dressing room and their eyes met, Kate had known that their search was over. The strapless dress was simple enough, but with few unique details that made it fascinating. It had a sweetheart neckline and the top was fitted with the dress widening slightly as it fell towards the ground with a short, elegant trail behind. It was draped so that it seemed to be made out of one piece of fabric, gathered slightly above her left hipbone with a intricate piece of jewelry.

The dress was truly exquisite, but what had made it even more beautiful, was the radiant smile on Alexis' face. Kate had found her own eyes prickling with tears as she gazed with pride at the stunning young woman in front of her. Noticing the change in the atmosphere of the room, the shop assistant had excused herself quietly, giving the two women some privacy, telling them she would be back shortly to take measurements. Alexis had reached out her hand to Kate who got up, made her way to where her stepdaughter was standing on the bridal stage and squeezed the young bride's hand in both of hers for a moment.

"Kate. I…" Alexis didn't know how to continue, but the look of absolute wonder, so much like her father's, on her face told Kate everything.

"I know." Kate said with a voice full of emotion. "It's absolutely perfect."

"It really is," the redhead whispered looking down at the dress, smoothing the fabric with her hands. When she lifted her eyes to Kate's, they were brimming with tears.

"I'm so happy that you're doing this with me," she said and Kate gave her a watery smile in return. She had to clear her throat to be able to speak around the emotion.

"Oh, sweetie. There's no place I'd rather be right now. I'm honored that you let me be a part of this."

The shop assistant had returned then with the seamstress, the moment interrupted, so Alexis hadn't been able to tell Kate how she viewed the detective as so much more than just her father's wife and how Kate was the only person - aside maybe from her grandmother - she could imagine doing this with.

Alexis had been interrupted on that day in the dress shop, but she had gotten a new chance when, a few weeks later, a nervous-looking Kate had arrived at their apartment holding a rectangular box in her slender fingers. The detective hadn't offered any explanations first, simply offering the box for Alexis to open after they had sat down on the couch. But when the bride-to-be had lifted the lid to reveal a delicate pearl necklace with a pair of pearl drop earrings, words had begun tumbling from Kate at a rapid speed.

"They were my mother's, and her mother's before that. They both wore them when they got married. My mom gave them to me for my 18th birthday and they've been gathering dust ever since. I'm not sure if you have already picked out the jewelry you're going to wear, but I would love if you wore these."

"Kate, these are absolutely gorgeous. I'd be honored to wear these as my 'something borrowed' and I promise to take good care of them and return them just as they are." Alexis couldn't stop looking at the beautiful pieces of jewelry and she run a finger softly over the necklace, feeling the cool surface of each pearl on her skin. However, she looked up when Kate laid a hand on her knee.

"Alexis. I'm not lending them to you. I'm _giving_ them to you. You know, as your 'something old'."

"But…" The redhead didn't know what to say, all her thoughts jumbled up in her head.

"Sweetie, these pearls are passed on in our family from mother to daughter and even though you're not my flesh and blood, there is no way I could love you more than I do now. And that's what matters to me. So, as far as I'm concerned, I _am_ giving these to my daughter today."

For a moment all Alexis had been able do was to look back and forth between the pearls and Kate. Then, she had carefully closed the box and set it on the coffee table before launching herself at the surprised detective. And as they had sat there, holding each other, Alexis had told all the things she had meant to say at the dress shop.

They had spent the rest of the day together, moving on to other wedding plans, like seating charts and flower choices. By the time Brian had gotten home a few hours later, the living room had been covered with wedding magazines and other papers. He had looked at them, then at the mess, until finally he had simply shrugged and moved to join them.

They had finalized most of the plans that day, including the eternal question of 'a band or a dj' - Alexis had won and Kate had to admit that the band they had chosen was a good one. That night witnessing their banter on the subject, Kate had felt like she was watching a tennis match, their witty comebacks instantaneous. And the way Alexis and Brian seemed to enjoy feeding off of each other's responses had reminded her of how Castle and she used to be - building theory or just talking about a TV show.

Kate remembered how, early in their partnership, she had warned Castle that girls like Alexis usually ended up marrying a guy just like their father. It had been a joke then, said only to get a rise out of him. But today, looking at the young couple slowly swaying to the music, lost in their own world, Kate couldn't have been happier that she had been right. Once again, she had found herself hoping that Castle had been there with them and could have seen how beautiful and happy his girl was.

They all, his daughter especially, had wished Rick had been there to walk her down the aisle, to give her away. No-one had needed to say it aloud, they all felt his absence as they were helping Alexis to get ready. When they had been sure everything was in order, every strand of red hair in place, Kate had drawn the bride into her arms.

"He's proud of you. Wherever he is, he's so proud."

When they had pulled back, both were smiling with tears shining in their eyes. Kate had been afraid that their makeup would be completely ruined if they prolonged the moment so, with a last squeeze to Alexis's slender arm, she had left the room in search of her friends who were looking after Noah.

Her son had been the ring bearer and had taken the task very seriously. Kate smiled as she remembered the solemn look on the boy's face as he had stood by the altar, holding the pillow with the rings on it. With his brow furrowed in concentration, he had been a miniature version of his father and Kate had quickly snapped a picture which was now set as the wallpaper on her phone.

The exciting day had taken its toll on the ring-responsible - his words - and he had fallen asleep in his mother's arms well before the celebrations were over, so Kate had bid goodbye to the happy couple, wishing them a relaxing trip to Hawaii and carried Noah to the car. She had offered Martha a ride, but the actress had happily announced that her dance card was quickly filling up so she couldn't very well leave before the band had finished. Kate had chuckled to herself at Martha's parting '_Don't wait up'_ as she had made her way outside.

Noah had slept through the entire ride back home, only stirring lightly when Kate had lifted him out of the car and again when she had changed him into his Green Lantern pajamas. She had tucked him in and made sure his favorite sleeping buddy - Ernie the Elephant - was close by, and then backed out of the room quietly, leaving the door slightly ajar.

* * *

Kate had made her way downstairs and had gotten ready for bed, but her mind hadn't been ready for sleep yet, the events of the day playing in her thoughts. That wasn't very surprising, considering how much she had missed Rick today. So that's how she found herself here, standing in the dark office. And judging by the soft footfalls nearing the office, she wasn't the only one unable to sleep in the apartment.

"Mommy," Noah's hesitant voice called from the doorway and Kate stepped away from the window. She switched the desk light on, bathing the room in a soft glow. Noah was standing just inside the doorway, blinking against the light, Ernie hanging by the trunk in one hand. She sat down on the couch and held out her arms in invitation. Her son didn't need to be asked twice and he quickly climbed into his mother's lap, buried his face in her shoulder and breathed in her comforting scent.

"Did you have a bad dream, sweetie?" Kate asked as she carded her fingers through his soft mane of hair.

"Nuh-uh," her son said and shook his head, still against her shoulder. "I woke up and remembered that you didn't get to tell me a bedtime story tonight." He said it like he was sorry she had been deprived of the tradition and she smiled reassuringly.

"That's okay, Noah. You had a big day today, so I understand that you were sleepy. But don't worry, I will tell you a story twice as long tomorrow night."

"Or…" He paused and seemed to think before he opened his mouth again - definitely a trait he did _not_ inherit from his father. "Or, you could tell me a story now." Noah lifted his face and looked into her eyes with a slight pout and she found herself nodding in agreement - she could never deny him anything when he looked at her like that.

"Alright, sweetie. I'll tell you a story, but just a short one tonight, okay?" Immediately the pout changed into a wide smile and he nodded eagerly.

"Can you tell me about how you and daddy worked together saving the world?"

"But, Noah. I've told that story _gazillion_ times already," she said exaggerating on purpose, drawing a laugh out of him. "You know it by heart." Kate laughed, but really she wasn't that surprised by his request. It was his favorite story and one he asked for every time he had trouble sleeping.

So, wrapping her arms around her son, Kate kissed the top of his head and began to tell the familiar story. At the beginning, Noah inserted his own comments and reminded Kate of this detail or that if she tried to skip ahead, but slowly his eyes began to close as the calm voice and soothing touch of his mother lulled him to sleep.

Kate carried Noah back upstairs to bed, pulled the covers over him and brushed a kiss to his forehead. As usual, she stayed for a while, watching him sleep, letting her worries be washed away by the steady breaths of her innocent son. On moments like these she could imagine Rick's solid warmth behind her, his strong arms wrapped around her, as they gazed at the miracle they had created. She closed her eyes, took a steadying breath and sent out a silent prayer that he'd look out for their son, that he'd keep him safe. And in her mind, she heard the deep rumble of his voice answering.

_Always__._

* * *

**Let me know what you think. :)**


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